Yes, this is actually a happy poem.

I drank a nightmare-
left my stomach
knotted with a cupboard love
for your face.

“Seeing is believing,” said the bone box;
but I’m bellows to mend
each time you pocket
my insecurities.

__________________________

In other news, I woke up exceedingly happy from some very comfy sleeps. Now breakfast, then a nap until I need to get ready for work.

The D and I have been doing a lot of talking recently. The hardcore kind of talking. The sort of talking during which ambitions are discussed and decisions are made.

I am applying for an open position at work (a higher paying one on my same shift, in my same department, with loads more responsibility). After discussing the option and the desire to do so, I feel incredibly secure in the decision, and optimistic that I have a really good chance of getting it. I find it amazing to feel so supported and encouraged by someone who is not directly related to me.

No offense Mom, Dad, Brothers- it just feels damn good to have someone on the outside recognize that I’m capable of better things, too.

Advertisements

Why I am a Terrible Catholic: A Lenten Self-Analysis

Don’t get me wrong- I don’t feel that I’m a bad person per se. I do my best to be an honest, compassionate, kind, generous, and caring person every day. It just seems to be specifically living my faith where I fall short time and time again. It being the middle of Lent now, I feel it’s high time to call myself out on a few things:

1. I don’t go to Church, at least, not nearly as often as I should. I make plans to go, almost every week- but something always seems to get in the way. I accidentally sleep through my alarm for Saturday night Mass (I work nights,so daytime sleeping is my thing). Or I just couldn’t stay up long enough Sunday morning for Mass. Or I just make the choice to be lazy.

“Oh, I’ll go next week,” is a consistent thing for me. There is no excuse for it, and I need to buckle down and go. Especially since the D is so supportive of me going, pursuing my faith, and more than happy to do it alongside me. He actually wants to go to RCIA classes when they start back up in September. He has a bit more conviction than I do, and I should be learning from that. (For those of you who don’t know: RCIA is the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults.)

To curb this, I’m going to make this public announcement: “I will stay up for morning Mass tomorrow morning, which the D and I will attend together.”

Now, if I don’t go, I have to come back here and tell you all how lazy I was.

2. I have little to no willpower. To me, “giving up” something has always been more like “cutting down drastically”. Kids who decide to give up their favorite candy or snack probably do a hell of a lot better at sticking to it than I do. Of course, it isn’t intentional- but that’s no excuse. I am an adult, and should be capable of exhibiting a certain amount of self control.

3. I do not pay attention. I’m the sort of introverted person who will be off in her own little world, not paying attention, and then suddenly realize that I just cut someone off in traffic. Or was unintentionally rude. When I notice that I’ve done something like that, I do my best to apologize when possible, but I know there are probably dozens more times when I don’t catch it.

I’ve come to see myself as the derpy sheep in Jesus’ flock…

The one where every time he turns around, has unwittingly gotten itself into some sort of trouble. Without fail, He always comes to my rescue, because I am sincerely trying. I just seem to have more shortcomings than most of the other sheep.

For a long time, I had abandoned my faith. Mostly, because with failure after failure, I started to feel a sense of total defeat and despair. More recently, especially with Pope Francis’ words condoning forgiveness, patience and acceptance, I’ve begun to feel significantly more worthy of trying.

It’s helped me see past the failures, and see them as new opportunities to learn and improve myself. It’s comforting, and makes me feel as though even when I don’t succeed, I’m still worthy of God’s love, and the love and acceptance of the congregation- as are all people regardless of creed, gender, political stance, race, and sexual identity. We are all God’s children.

Even the derpiest members of the flock.

The derpiest sheep

The derpiest sheep

What are some ways that you could better live your faith, whatever religion you follow?

On Lent: Finding non-sexual ways to spend time together.

Couples’ puzzle-piece tattoos
were so cute
until I realized that the pieces
didn’t belong together.
Why be part of a puzzle
where you and I link together
opposite borders?

I just tend to over-think these things.
It’s a shitty metaphor.

Who needs metaphors, anyway,
when they're suddenly graced
with an overabundance
of sleep, or drowned out
by lazy Sans Serif?

It’s crazy
how crazy I felt
when everything stopped

It takes the deepest love-
I wound my fingers through your hair,
and wove in our most favorite daydreams.

You smiled, and said that French braids match your beard.

_____________________________________________________

 

On a side note- My boyfriend has longer hair than me. I’ve found myself playing with his hair more than usual over this past few days. I think he likes it, or at least, he doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by it. 

Screw Birthday Sex.

Easter sex is where it’s at!

So, I’ve been a terrible blogger. An impromptu hiatus of 6-7 months is coming to a close. Much as I’d love to give you all a good explanation as to why, the only real answer I can give you is laziness.

So far as what’s gone on in the interim, it’s been pretty wild. 2 new jobs (not simultaneously, but sequentially), new living quarters, new boyfriend (who my family approves of), two turtles, and a rabbit. I’d love to explain, but really, you just had to be there.

So, on the subject of the boyfriend, let’s call him ‘the D’ (both because his name starts with D, and because he’s damn good between the covers), things were going pretty smoothly.

Then, sex toys happened. Momma has a friend that started doing those in-home parties. The ones where people invite close friends to check out the merchandise in the comfort of their homes, both to avoid the embarrassment of being seen browsing brightly colored paraphernalia that would put O G MudBone to shame, and for future blackmail purposes. Let’s face it: it’s always useful to have this kind of dirt on your friends.

“You still can’t pay me back that $20?? Have you told your new boyfriend about that 10″ strapon you bought last year?”

Oh, yeah…the point.

Momma asked if the D and I would like to have one of these parties at her place, so that undisclosed friend wouldn’t have to drive so far. (We’re a very open and comfortable family. Not nudist-open, but close enough.)

I responded by telling her that it was a cool idea, but that the D and I had decided to give up sex for Lent (which starts today, FYI).

Her response was something akin to, “BAHAHA AHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHA HAHA HA srsly?”

Apparently, my mother thinks I’m too much of a sexual deviant to make it 40-someodd days without a good boning.

This made me think some pretty serious thoughts. How much of our relationship really is just the sex? Is there anything else to the foundation of our relationship? We discussed these and other questions that arose- eventually coming to the conclusion that, yes, this will be a good way to determine whether our relationship has other important features which will support sustainability- aside from just physical attraction and lust.

Day one, so far, things are pretty good.

We decided to make ourselves a naughty Easter basket.